A Blog about Education Abroad

Author: elanaryklief

  • Feroll-Jon Davids at Montana State University, USA

    Feroll-Jon Davids at Montana State University, USA

    Féroll-Jon Davids

    MMus in Performance (Clarinet)

    Spring 2020 semester exchange: Montana State University (MSU), Bozeman, Montana, USA

    PRE-DEPARTURE

    During my undergraduate music studies, I had the privilege of attending a semester exchange in the USA. It was that experience that enticed me into wanting to acquire additional and even more diverse musical experiences and academic knowledge during my current postgraduate studies. Consequently, for the period of January to May 2020, Montana State University (MSU) in Bozeman, Montana, USA, became my temporary home. After selecting MSU so that I could benefit from the tutelage of clarinet professor Dr Gregory Young, I quickly had to get my ducks in a row.

    Fortunately, my former exchange gave me an advantage in respect of the administrative arrangements and collating the required documents for MSU which went much smoother and was less complicated. For example, because I had done a gamut of vaccinations for my last exchange, I was only obliged to submit an updated TB Skin Test this time around, which I had done for approximately R180 at PathCare. Once MSU had received all my required information, they mailed me my DS-2019, a form declaring one’s eligibility for the academic exchange and a crucial document required for the visa application and traveling to the USA.

    I started my online application for the J-1 Non-immigrant Visa by filling in the DS-160 application form at https://ceac.state.gov/genniv/. During 2019, the J-1 visa application fee was R2400, while the accompanying SEVIS fee (Student and Exchange Visitor Programme fee) was R3400 and payable through the following link: https://www.fmjfee.com/i901fee/index.html#. Upon completion of all the forms and payments, I was provided with a succinct checklist of all the things I would need for the interview at the US Consulate in Cape Town. It was a speedy process and after two days my passport containing the visa was returned to me! Neelsie Travel assisted me in finding the most effective and economic way of reaching my final destination.

    Students who wish to embark on a semester exchange should be cognisant of the enormity of the administrative load and financial expenditure during the pre-departure phase, for example application fees (visa), medical requirements (mandatory immunisations), flight tickets, travel insurance and accommodation (for overnight layovers). Furthermore, I highly recommend that prospective exchange students utilise the services and guidance that Stellenbosch University provides during their whole exchange experience.

    While it is easy to get overwhelmed and despondent during the pre-departure period owing to the sheer amount of paperwork, there is a way around this. What worked for me was a productivity tool called a to-do list.  At the time, I created separate lists that dealt with specific obligations: MSU Documentation, SU Documentation, Visa Application, Transportation (Flight & Ground) and Accommodation.  I would also urge prospective exchange students to digitalise hard copy documents and upload them to an online storage space such as Google Drive, OneDrive, Dropbox or iCloud. When your official journey commences, having important documents on hand digitally makes your journey much easier. The major benefit of setting up to-do lists and up-to-date online folders was that my focus on my MMus studies and duties were not tainted by the external administrative stress.

    The pre-departure phase is about putting matters in place to ensure that the actual experience is not fraught with stress and mayhem, but rather a time during which one can calmly and purposefully focus on building new relationships and gaining invaluable insights, while simultaneously giving effect to one’s academic and career-related goals.

    EXPERIENCE AT THE HOST UNIVERSITY

    I am a Masters student specialising in clarinet performance and also completing a thesis component that sets out to document the life of South African pianist-repetiteur Gordon Jephtas. My initial objective of doing a semester exchange at Montana State University during the final year of my Masters degree, was to focus and expand on matters pertaining to my clarinet studies. My initial exchange in 2018 taught me that there is not only one method or way of reaching one’s desired results. The exchange at MSU under the instruction of Dr Young was no different. Besides having learnt valuable teaching philosophies and stylistic approaches from him, I had the opportunity to pass on my own musical knowledge to younger clarinettists, and by so doing becoming more alive to my own educational philosophies. Being on a J-1 visa, one has to be registered for a minimum of 9 credits’ worth of courses.  I chose to do Clarinet Pedagogy (2 credits), Applied Lessons (1 credit), Chamber Music (1 credit), Clarinet Ensemble (1 credit), MSU Wind Symphony (1 credit) and Music History: 20th & 21st Century Music (3 credits).

    Already before MSU’s Spring Break, it became clear that the effects of the Coronavirus and the measures introduced to curb it would have an effect on our studies. However, much to my surprise, the weeks in isolation, spent in the dormitory while adhering to the Covid-19 restrictions, continued to consist of practicing, thesis work, class attendance and clarinet lessons. The only activities that were cancelled completely were, understandably, all ensemble rehearsals and performances. Of course, everything was converted to some or other virtual platform: Webex, Skype and Microsoft Teams.

    The pre-lockdown period was filled to the brim with concerts and memorable events, one such event being the 2020 MSU Clarinet Day that I organised. It took place on 7 March, the weekend before MSU’s lockdown arrangements were implemented. The day consisted of masterclasses by Jon Manasse, Gregory Young, Wendy Bickford and me, seminars on clarinet fundamentals and technique, and closed with a recital featuring all the participants. The day concluded on a high note with visiting Juilliard clarinet professor Jon Manasse performing the Aaron Copland Clarinet Concerto with the Bozeman Symphony Orchestra.

    Before the implementation of rigid social distancing, I co-founded the Symbiotic Duo with flautist Megan Makeever-Ali. We had quite a line-up of performance opportunities at prestigious ceremonies and events. As happened with the rest of the entertainment industry, most of our scheduled performances were cancelled. This did not stop us from making music, albeit virtually. A colleague of ours, pianist Thomas Thomas, pioneered an online concert platform – Bozeman Arts Live – for artists in and around the Bozeman area. On this platform, Megan and I had our own individual concerts and included on our programmes the socially distant Symbiotic Duo. The links to these concerts are still accessible to anyone:

    Megan Makeever-Ali & Friends:  https://www.bozemanarts-live.com/megan-makeever-broadcast & Féroll-Jon Davids: https://www.bozemanarts-live.com/frolljon-davids-broadcast.

    Prior to the lockdown of buildings, I attended a number of collaborative recitals hosted by the Music School; I visited the Ellen Theatre and watched the musical ‘Kiss me, Kate!’ and Mendelssohn’s ballet ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream’; at the Wilson Auditorium, I heard marvellous symphonic repertoire performed by the Bozeman Symphony such as Brahms’ 4th Symphony and Elgar’s Enigma Variations which the orchestra executed with great finesse. Of course, with the dawn of lockdown, Classical performances had to be enjoyed from the comfort of one’s humble abode – mine being my dorm room.

    While it is tempting to compare the two partner universities in order to discover what makes each one unique, it is too cumbersome a task to undertake because fundamentally the institutions operate quite differently. During my time at MSU, I attended a class called Music Major Seminar that was mandatory for all students majoring in music. Invariably I walked away from each class, having obtained invaluable information about the music industry from an insider’s perspective. The class, presented by various professionals such as performing artists visiting Bozeman, faculty members and guest speakers, ultimately was a series of varied seminars touching on aspects of music as a career, the industry and other music-related topics. Students were then given the opportunity to engage with the speakers during a Q&A session. It was after a powerful presentation by pianist Jennifer Reason that I realised that such a seminar would greatly augment the music programme at Stellenbosch University. I think it is a fair assertion to make that during one’s university studies one functions in a fairly uniform environment where everyone is in the same boat, until the moment of graduation of course when one realises that one has no certainty about what awaits.  In my opinion, a class similar to MSU’s Music Major Seminar would enrich and augment a music student’s expectations and fears of making a life in music.

    RETURN TO SOUTH AFRICA/STELLENBOSCH

    My return to South Africa from the US was far more nerve-wrecking and histrionic than I could ever have dreamed, upon leaving for MSU in January. While I had intended leaving Bozeman on the last day of class, 8 May, as early as 23 March I was informed by Qatar Airways that they had cancelled my scheduled international flight for 9 May owing to the closure of airports in various countries and the consequent grounding of a large number of airlines. Realising that we were being overtaken by events and after consultation with my family, I bought a new ticket to leave for South Africa from Los Angeles on 27 March. However, United Airlines cancelled that flight the day before I was due to leave because President Ramaphosa had declared a complete lockdown of 21 days starting on 25 March, including the closure of all airports to passenger flights, which would have prevented my flight from landing. I informed South Africa’s Department of International Relations and Cooperation (Dirco) and the SA Consulate in Los Angeles about my situation. Unlike South Africans who were stuck at international airports and found themselves without recourse in foreign countries, I was luckily assured of accommodation and meals as a result of the partnership between SU and MSU. Following a request for assistance by Dr Nell of SU, I was informed by the authorities at MSU that my visa had been extended for two months and that they were negotiating the extension of my accommodation arrangements. I was nevertheless assured by the Consulate in LA that I would be informed if any repatriation flights were scheduled.

    While enjoying a spectacular walk on a riverbank in Bozeman on 28 April, my 24th birthday, I received a phone call from the Consulate, informing me about a series of repatriation flights scheduled to leave the USA from 2 May. The following day, when I received the official e-mail, I paid for the repatriation flight by SAA, anticipating to hear on which repatriation flight I had been placed, but that notification never arrived. For the time remaining, I did my final au revoirs and arrived in Washington DC on 1 May. After some transatlantic phone calls and e-mail correspondence with Dirco and the Consulate, I was informed that I had been provisionally placed on the flight on 3 May.

    On the morning of 3 May, I arrived at SAA’s desk with some fellow South Africans who were in the same position – having paid for the repatriation flight but not having received an air-ticket. At 15:00, four hours before the departure time, the SAA desk opened. The two people ahead of me in the queue were turned away because their names were not on ‘the list’. Of course, when it was my turn, I stepped forward with great trepidation. My passport was scanned and I was asked how many bags I would be checking in.  That immense feeling of relief is not something I shall forget any time soon.

    After we disembarked at OR Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg on 4 May at 17:00, we spent a memorable 5 hours in a shuttle on the tarmac, waiting to be escorted to a national quarantine facility where we would remain for two weeks. We all were tested for Covid-19 and are still awaiting our results. My two weeks in quarantine – with regular temperature checks – passed quietly and uneventfully. As the country was still in Level 4 of the lockdown, no air travel was possible. I managed to secure a booking on a bus and eventually arrived in Stellenbosch after a 17-hour drive from Johannesburg. Although I am yet to experience SU under the Covid-19 restrictions, I am positive about the transition, because during my time in the USA, it seemed from there that both South Africa and SU responded extremely stoically and responsibly to the current global pandemic.

    While conspiracy theories and predictions of the unknown future are abundant, I align myself with the old adage: Only time will tell. Making plans pertaining to the future is now trickier than usual, but my time abroad was tremendously beneficial to my growth, both as an individual and a musician. If chance permits and I am faced with the prospect of engaging internationally again, I will still find it hard to resist the opportunity.

    I would like to extend my sincere and heartfelt thanks to Stellenbosch University and Montana State University, Sarah van der Westhuizen and her team, our Head of Music at SU, Dr Mario Nell, my MSU colleagues and friends, and Dr Gregory Young for sharing with me his expert knowledge. Thank you to everyone for the part you played in augmenting my professional skills and development as an individual. I am immensely grateful and appreciative of your contribution.

     

  • Danielle Ceronio at Clemson University, USA

    Danielle Ceronio at Clemson University, USA

    I would like to mention how stressful preparing for my semester abroad was. I really would like to put it into words, but I can’t. Mostly because I can’t remember how stressful it was. I know for certain that I was stressed, but the whole experience overshadowed that part of my exchange. Which, to me, is just an indication of how worthwhile all the effort and stress was.

    If I could’ve done anything differently I would have done everything two weeks earlier than I thought I needed to. Start VISA applications, go for the necessary vaccinations, and apply for your courses as soon as you possibly can. Don’t stress too much about which modules to choose though, because chances are they will change another four times before you start classes. It’s just the way things are, so there’s no use worrying about it. I ended up only doing two of the courses I initially wanted to do. I also ended up accidentally doing a public speaking course… So probably check what a course is about before selecting it.  It helps to be a bit persistent when applying for modules though, because sometimes the lecturers forget they already rejected you for a particular course.

    What I definitely did right, pre-departure, was to make a comprehensive to-do list that I worked from for four months preceding my trip. My list was comprised of sixteen A4 pages that I taped together and stuck on my wall and frantically highlighted and scribbled on at least once a day like a mad woman. Those pre-departure months really tune up your admin skills. And you for sure need to be at the top of your admin game to prepare you for all of the inevitable issues with getting a phone plan, organizing medical insurance, and all sorts of other painful business. But those things, like with the problems registering for courses, will all work out.

    Something else to prepare for is to be overwhelmed by orange. From the first day I arrived in Clemson I was assaulted by a wave of orange. I walked around looking at students, parents, grandparents, and infants all in the trademark orange Clemson merch. I remember thinking to myself, “I’ll die before I’m caught wearing that.” And now half the stuff in my cupboard is orange.

    The orange merch turned out to be useful, especially on game days. When I went to Clemson the football team had just won the ACC Championships the year before, so everyone on campus lived and breathed football. The athletes themselves are treated like Gods. I had a couple players in my class which is the only place I saw them on campus because the rest of the time they are driven between classes in cars with tinted windows. They also have their own private gym and training centre and dining hall. Personally, I didn’t see what the big deal was. But maybe that’s because my favourite part of the football was the tailgating beforehand.

    Tailgating and game days are a full-day thing. Our tradition was to meet up at 10h00 in someone’s apartment to crack open the first Bud Light and have breakfast. An hour or so after that, things would escalate dramatically when we would meet up with everyone else in the exchange community and start a round of beer pong. Once everyone started to look sufficiently blurry we would head onto campus where every couple of feet someone had set their pick-up trucks and cooler boxes. Everyone is very welcoming and it’s easy enough to find tailgates that are happy to have a couple international students hanging around. They love you and they feed you and they give you more beer until everyone packs up and heads for the game.

    Tailgating is not the only American tradition you can participate in. You should also give a couple others a try too: play cornhole, go to home-coming, carve pumpkins on Halloween, have a thanksgiving feast, go to the mall on Black Friday. And the whole semester long you can just go absolutely mental about fall (drink pumpkin spice lattés until you throw up, wear scarves when it’s still 30 degrees out, snort some cinnamon, go wild).

    There are a lot of traditions specific to Clemson too. Take part in some Leisure Skills classes – that way you can do things like Yoga or Riflery or Stand-Up Paddle Boarding for credits. Another Clemson tradition I highly recommend is going to Tiger Town Tavern (locally known as Triple T’s) to get a free T-shirt on your 21st. And if you are already 21 then tell them you’re an international student looking for a souvenir. Never be afraid to play the international card. All you have to do is sound foreign and confused.

    The international card can be used when you’re lost on campus, when you don’t know how the self-checkout tills at Walmart work, or when you can’t figure out the stupid Imperial Measurement system. The international card came in handy when I needed to excuse myself from classes so I could go traveling with fellow exchange students. There are plenty of places close by which make for a perfect weekend trip. A few of the places I visited during the semester included Nashville, Charleston, the Great Smoky Mountains, and Atlanta. If you can get five people together and rent a car then travelling to nearby states is really affordable.

    If you are invited for a weekend trip and have the resources to go, but aren’t sure whether you want to go, take the opportunity anyway. One of the best trips I took was staying in an RV for four days with six other people so we could go watch the NASCAR in Alabama. Neither NASCAR nor RVs seemed like my kind of thing, but it was a true American experience and I’m so glad that I did it.

    Speaking of things which aren’t my kind of thing, it can’t go unmentioned that the Southern States are predominantly red states. The stereotypes of these conservative states are all true. Every second person is in camouflage, their patriotism is almost tangible (and they whack you with it regularly), you can buy guns at Walmart, and almost every local I met was an avid supporter of Trump. I discovered that when I looked at things from a more anthropological perspective, it was a lot easier to not want to argue about politics and religion and social issues and all the other tricky topics 24/7. And although this may all sound a little scary and frustrating, the other stereotypes about the Southern States are true too. The locals are exceptionally hospitable, everyone calls each other “ma’am” and “sir,” the accents may be the most charming thing I’ve ever heard, and there’s fried chicken as far as the eye can see. There’s so much fried food everywhere that by a month in you’ll be craving anything with real nutritional value. It’s all part of the experience. And you’ll have plenty of time to remember what health tastes like when you get back home. And that time will come before you know it.

    Time on the exchange moves very strangely. For most of the time it felt like I’d been in Clemson for years and like I’d known the friends I made there my whole life. At some points it also feels like it won’t end – like you’re just going to go home for the holidays and then come back and see everyone again next semester. But despite all those feelings of permanence, I now have to think about really small, obscure details to remind myself that it all actually happened because a semester goes by so quickly. And it’s odd to think that my goal for the past four years has now been achieved.

    That being said, it’s good to be home and around the people I love. You gain a real appreciation for your home country when you’ve lived somewhere else for a couple of months. I appreciate the South African humour so much more now. And I appreciate the way we do things. I know we have our issues, but I think we’re better for it. For example, loadshedding is a nightmare, but the excitement everyone has each time the lights come back on never dissipates. It also always gives people something to relate on. So even the bad things are not all bad.

    When I first got back I felt like everything had changed. But mostly it’s me who has changed. I hope that some of the ways I’ve changed will become a fundamental part of my character, and other changes I hope will fade fast – like my new-found love of country music.

    Most people ask me if my time in South Carolina was how it is in the movies. The truth is that the movies don’t do the whole American college experience justice. It’s so much more than you can ever capture in words or on camera.

     

  • Courtney Mocke at Maastricht University, The Netherlands

    Courtney Mocke at Maastricht University, The Netherlands

    Pre-departure:

    The exchange semester included in BCom International Business is one of the most attractive features of the degree. So when exchange finally approached, to say I was a tangled mess, feeling both excited and overwhelmed, is an understatement! After careful consideration and many late nights doing research into each available institution, I had eventually felt lead to Maastricht University in the Netherlands. This was largely due to their renowned international orientation and progressive Problem Based Learning (PBL) education system and, if I’m being honest, its prime location for traveling in Europe.

    I was pleasantly surprised (and relieved) by the level of organization and communication from Maastricht University. Once our nominations went through from Stellenbosch, I was contacted by Maastricht almost immediately with a detailed PDF on how next to proceed. They essentially held my hand and guided me through the entire process – applying for housing, applying for my residential visa, setting up my university profile and registering for my courses – and were both quick and happy to respond to any queries that I emailed to them.

    Approximately 50% of Maastricht University’s student body is comprised of international students and they offer an extensive exchange program, and it truly shows. The university organized housing for me and provided me with a housing scholarship; they prompted me regarding the necessary documents for my residential visa as they did the application through their in-house visa office; and my email inbox was filled to the brim with relevant PDF documents that pre-empted all my many questions and also made sure I knew the ins and outs of all the academic (and social) life at Maastricht… I was never at a loss for information and assistance.

    And while it was relatively smooth sailing because of Maastricht’s hands-on approach, that’s not to say there weren’t a couple of hiccups on my side. I received an email to say that my long-stay visa was ready for collection, but when I arrived to collect it from the embassy in Pretoria, they had no record of my application! Long (and stressful) story short, the university does the application for you on their side, however you still need to book an appointment to apply for the document collection in South Africa too. At this appointment, you are required to hand in your passport, so while the turnover time is relatively quick, allow some time for that. Apparently the wording of the email is misleading and the embassy is in the process of adjusting it, so I took some small comfort in the fact that I was amongst many other people who had made the same mistake!

    Nevertheless, the level of professionalism, efficiency and clear communication from the university put my (and both my parents’) minds at ease. I am so grateful for the impressive organization of their international department, since it truly allowed me to enjoy the excitement (and bypass a lot of the pre-departure admin stress) in the time leading up to my departure.

    Experience at Host University:

    Maastricht’s Problem Based Learning system is a major drawcard to the university. So I approached the academic aspect of my exchange semester with a mixture of apprehension and intrigue. Having grown accustomed to the Stellenbosch education system, in which it is easy to disengage from the work when you sit in a lecture hall of hundreds of students, the interactive PBL system required some adjustment.

    I quickly learnt that the system is one that demands a lot of time and effort from the students. I attended weekly classes that took the form of interactive tutorials with 10 to 15 people, had extensive lists of articles to get through and self-prepare ahead of each tutorial, had to facilitate and lead the discussion on several occasions, and was required to participate in numerous group projects. Simply put: it was a lot of hard work and the responsibility for your learning falls squarely on your shoulders.

    However, it was the most captivated and engaged I’ve ever been with university content (and, therefore, the most prepared I’ve felt when it came to exams). I took a range of subjects including Comparative Management, Globalization Debate, Brand Management and Management of Organizations, and finally ended my semester with a practical term on Presentation Skills (which was a leap out of my comfort zone that ended up being so rewarding). The tutorials are monitored by tutors (usually Masters students) who do not participate in the discussions, unless they intervene to clarify a concept. Therefore, we learnt through discussing and debating amongst ourselves, so I quickly learnt to find my voice, formulate informed opinions and open my mind to the many different perspectives of students from all over the world. This system of engaging with one another also meant I was no longer an anonymous exchange student engulfed in a large lecture hall. It gave me so many opportunities to meet people and get to know one another and I made some of my best friends on exchange through tutorials together.

    Another attractive feature of Maastricht University is its strong international inclination. With a diverse student body, many exchange programs and internationally-oriented academic and research content, I was never the “outsider” as an exchange student. Meeting people from different countries was the norm and varying perspectives and experiences from all different parts of the world were embraced. I honestly appreciated this component of my exchange. It was enlightening to make internationally-diverse friends, comforting that the university makes all provisions for exchange students, and it also meant that there was no real language barrier since English was the common language of communication.

    This demography extends into the city itself. Maastricht, being on the border of Belgium and Germany, is internationally-diverse and is truly student-oriented with the campus extending all across the city (much like Stellenbosch). My attachment to the city happened very slowly at first, and then seemingly all at once it began to feel like home when I would return from traveling in Europe.

    When I wasn’t preparing for tutorials or working in groups on projects, I would take every opportunity to travel. This was the dream of so many of us: embracing the academic opportunity that exchange provides, but also taking full advantage of the privilege that it is to travel and have diverse cultural experiences. I spent most weekends traveling in the Netherlands, to Belgium, France, Germany, Italy, Switzerland and Spain, either meeting up with fellow Stellenbosch students on exchange or with newfound international friends. As many of us agreed upon our return: the lows were low, but the highs were really high. And these opportunities and memories were the experiences that made all the physical, emotional and admin challenges of exchange worth it.

    Return to Stellenbosch:

    As I mentioned before, the adjustment to exchange happened very slowly at first, and then suddenly all at once. Honestly, the first couple of months were lonely.

    And they were filled with so many embarrassing stumbles as I navigated public transport (even more so when attempting this with luggage!), staring at prices trying to convert euros to Rands (pro-tip: don’t do it to yourself), initiating conversations with total strangers, and navigating icy, rainy weather conditions.

    But upon my return to South Africa, I realized that those “lonely” moments became moments of introspection, re-evaluating myself and my aspirations (plus, those lonely moments didn’t last forever and the friends I made were worth the wait).

    And those “embarrassing” moments just broke down some of my defense mechanisms, and I slowly learnt that it was okay not to have everything figured out and that sometimes all I needed to do was be patient with myself (and, more often than not, just to laugh at myself). These lessons were so empowering and I’m holding on tightly to the person that I grew into upon my return.

    The return home was an unexpected adjustment. I expected a sense of relief that comes with the familiarity of home, and comfort in knowing how things work and the norms of South Africans in general. And that was present to some extent, but I struggled to reconcile that while seemingly nothing had changed in my external home environment, so much had changed within me. Almost everything felt conflicted. I felt frustrated with the apathy that characterizes so much of South African infrastructure, because I was so impressed by the self-discipline, efficiency and integrity that made up so much of the Dutch culture. And yet, for all the productivity and straight-forward communication of the Dutch, the beauty of our country and the open warmth and friendliness of South Africans is unparalleled. When I landed at OR Tambo International upon my return, the man at passport control told me “welcome home”. I may have shed a tear or two. And I could write an entire blog post dedicated to the natural beauty of our country, and my renewed appreciation for it.

    While I learnt that traveling is the most enriching experience and prompts so much personal growth, I also learnt that South Africa is home. And a beautiful one. My future plans definitely include traveling. In what capacity, I’m not sure yet, but I do know that I will grab any chance that enables me to travel, pushing back my personal barriers and experiencing diverse cultures. And then I will return home to South Africa at the end of every venture.

    Ultimately, exchange is an opportunity I would recommend to everyone. It puts everything into perspective when your world is expanded in that way, both externally and internally. Exchange prompted much introspection, invaluable lessons on independence and self-reliance, re-evaluating my plans for the future and also opened me up to a network of people all across the world. I will always be grateful for these invaluable outcomes and, most of all, grateful that exchange was the catalyst for my pursuit of the person I am growing into.